A week after the New York Times spun a hefty cautionary tale on the dangers of buying a unit before it's built, they've gone and sent Suzanne Slesin to the as-yet-unbuilt William Beaver House, Andr Balazs's vaguely vaginal condominium on William and Beaver streets downtown. When Slesin gets "out of a cab at the triangular site," she's immediately invited to eat the fragrant lotus of the marketing mock-up and forget forever about returning home. And it seems, when it comes to unbuilt units, experience has no sway over love. Slezin immediately falls hard for the negging of architect Calvin Tsao's mixture of soft sell and hard-to-get pitch.
This building is absolutely not for you. Its target is a younger, more mobile community....Most of the units are small," Mr. Tsao continued. "They are for people who travel, maybe not for families...They are for a new generation that love living in hotel rooms." Now just hold on, Calvin, I wanted to shout. You may not know me all that well, but Calvin, that's me! Me! Me!
With sweet nothings like an upscale deli and a covered dog run promised in the near future, it's not hard to imagine Slezin not falling for the would-be Lothario and his 319-unit tower. But this is exactly what the Times and fathers everywhere have warned against, a slick presentation up front followed by a gradual yet irreversible disappointment. Will the William Beaver house follow in the footsteps of Richard Meier's disastrous West Side condos and Andr Balazs's nose—that is to say, once dreamy and now just broken?
Me Me Me, All The Way Home