Once again, the Defamer Correspondent for Anti-Defamatory Awards Shows managed to infiltrate the turreted pink fortress that is the L.A. edition of the annual GLAAD media awards (who says scouring Craigslist at the last minute for dateless and desperate velvet mafioso is a fruitless endeavor?), and brings us yet another exhaustive report from the awards banquet sometimes referred to as the "the Gay Gay Superbowl." We now deliver you to his capable hands:
This past Saturday I, along with 3000 other gays, got all fancied up for the annual GLAAD Media Awards. Have to say that it was quite impressive this year. Here are a few highlights: The Show...
· Sat near Marlee Matlin, her husband, translator and a few L-word cast members. Marlee looked fantastic...I have no idea how old she is but she looked very distinguished/Helen Mirren-esque.
· TR Knight opened the show. Okay, I get that he was discriminated against and Isaiah should have been fired, but it was a little odd that he got a standing ovation. He was very "shocked" with the ovation, didn't really deliver a very good speech and it just sort of started the night off a little weird.
· Next was Doogie...I mean Neil Patrick Harris. Great speech, very funny — he made a reference to everyone standing for TR and not clapping loudly enough for him. · Martina Navratilova was the lifetime achievement award winner. Awkward jokes, dressed in a what can best be described as a modified tux/t-shirt combo with a gold stripe down each leg. Very odd. Best part was she looked like she's had a little work done and she made fun of her decades of bad lesbian hair · Brothers and Sisters/Ugly Betty/Grey's Anatomy won awards — majority of the supporting cast from both shows were there (e.g. no Mc-anything showed from Grey's but the tranny from one of the episodes showed up along with Sara Ramirez) · Ms. Lance Bass presented — girl is about 2.5 feet tall but gave a decent speech · Eva Mendez was to my left chewing gum the whole night and looking a little out of it. · Jason Lewis presented...I don't think he can read because his presentation was more of hooked-on-phonics lesson than an actual speech. Damn hot though so I could care less if he is illiterate. · At one point in the evening there was an awkward call for donations. They trotted out volunteers and asked the celebs to literally stand up and join the media circle ($2K donation I think). Jason Lewis was one of the first to stand...good on him...again, so hot that I don't care if he is illiterate. · Ben Affleck — okay, he can't even get a joke right. He made a reference to it being easier for him to win an Oscar than to marry Matt Damon. I'm not really sure where he was going with the joke but the delivery was horrible. Soft clapping ensued. · And I saved the best for last...every gay in the place lost it and nearly tossed their panties on stage when Jake Gyllenhaal walked out to present an award to Jennifer Aniston. SO. DAMN. GORGEOUS. When the crowd wouldn't stop hooting for him, he said, "settle down cowboys", which made us clap even louder. He made some speech about Jennifer being good to the gays, etc...she walked up to get her award in what looked like a tea cozy...fabulous legs though. She and Jake had an awkward joke about reconsidering their "friendship" since he is so hot. Yawn. I just wanted him to take his shirt off and dance for us.
· Ms. Lance Bass stayed long enough for me to watch a gay literally toss himself at Lance to ask for a kiss and a date. Lance obliged with an awkward "sure" while the gay hugged him then walked away.
· Same gay tossed himself at Michael Urie (Vanessa William's assistant on Ugly Better). Have to admit that if I had been a little more sauced I might have tossed myself at him too.
· Balthazar Getty stayed for dinner and lugged out his 80lb gift bag...the man is very good looking in person but was no doubt disappointed with the gifts inside. No need to report a free bag of Starbucks to the IRS.
· Sara Ramirez posed for lots of pictures and looked like she wanted to say "...okay, gays...im done now, and no, I cannot set you up with McSteamy."
· I stepped on Patricia Wettig's shoes as I walked past her to my table...she is quite pretty and didn't look at all pissed
· Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell are one hot couple...and about 100 ft tall...they chatted nicely with the gays and then left after dinner