When it came time for Business Week assistant managing editor Bruce Nussbaum to do jury duty in New York City last week, he found himself assigned to a high-profile case. The suspects—who had been charged in some sort of gang activity—were so intimidating, so menacing, that he feared not only for his life, but also for his family's: "One of [the connotations] that crossed my mind was, you know, a nationally organized gang, very powerful, that could reach out and try to influence members of the jury." Of what horrible gang could Nussbaum have been so very afraid? Especially since the tough guy admitted he was himself in a Lower East Side gang in the 1960s. (That experience must serve him well in the corridors of Business Week!)
The gang in question here is that pack of marauding lesbians who pummeled a poor innocent "independent filmmaker" when he refused to take no for an answer, or something—he says he was just flirting. (Mmm hmm.) We're scared too! But the judge on the case was having none of it. He kicked Nussbaum off the jury, but also found him "grossly unqualified" for waiting until the last minute to make his fear of lesbians known, and ordered him confined to the central jury room each day for the rest of the trial.
Nussbaum may be a schmuck—granted, he does work at Business Week—but the judge on the case has restored our faith in the justice system for asking, "So do you honestly feel you're in a position to fairly evaluate this case in view of your mindset that your wife might be in danger from an organized group of violent lesbians?"