Breaking! CNN's "Special Investigations Unit" has issued a warning, claiming it will extrude Soledad O'Brien into an extra-sexy investigation of the Virginia Tech nightmare shooting horror-show—she'll be bringing her anchorly gravitas and her various investigative techniques, all conducted, incidentally, while wearing a skirt, to the scene of worst non-Iraq-related violent incident in years. No word yet on arrival of her crack team but we expect she'll begin fingerprinting and profiling STAT ASAP. According to the press release, "O'Brien will provide a minute-by-minute account of the campus rampage as she discusses how and why the events happened and whether they could have been prevented." So, sorta like a news-show version of United 93 but sooner, with more moralizing and without the hot Broadway actor. Super.