Where Seamen Meets Cumming Meets Journalism

How's Mara Altman faring under the new regime at the Voice? Altman, student and prot g of deposed Voice editor David Blum, has somehow survived thus far in the Tony Ortega era. We've taken issue with some of her work in the past, but maybe she's grown and changed under the tutelage of more stable hands. What kind of stuff is she turning out now?

When people ask Nick Dalton where he lives, he doesn't say "Inwood." Instead, he likes to tell people that he lives near Dyckman and the intersection of Seaman and Cumming. "It's funny, no?" he says.

Maybe, no! Like saying "Me three" or wondering why you "drive on the parkway and park on the driveway," living on the corner of Seamen and Cumming streets is one of those jokes that are mildly funny the first time and then simply repeated out of force of habit. Unless you're Evan Russell who actually lives there. In that case, that accident of fate is your one-way ticket into a Village Voice column and an excuse for your ex-girlfriend to make emasculating jizz-eating jokes at your expense: "It was a former girlfriend, he says, who came up with a cute way of describing where he lived: 'I live on Seaman, just after Cumming.'" This is gross and not cute.

The article did, however, hit home for those of us who have been on the wrong side of such priceless intersections. (The rest of us are ignoring them because we're above it.)

joshua stein: hey priceless gem, are you taking that seamen and cumming thing?
memily: that's all you, perv
joshua stein: merci. it means a lot because i used to live on the corner of pussyfart ave. and assnugget road.
memily: oh, right across the street from mccuntlicker park then
joshua stein: exactly. why did you live around there too?
memily: yeah, on vaginajuice lane.
joshua stein: North or South of Poopslurpee Circle?
memily: South, near Smegma Alley.
joshua stein: See, I had piano lessons near there. Where Scabnipple Terrace deadends into Taint Alley.
memily: Oh, weird, I'm not familiar with that area.