Dwayne Buckle Has Cleaned Up New York City

Giuliani-style American hero Dwayne Buckle, a sound engineer from Queens, has successfully made New York safer by getting four young women sent to prison yesterday. Congratulations to all of us! His initial campaign to make the streets of the West Village a better place for right-thinkers began last summer, when he spit on the girls and their friends, threw a cigarette at them, and told them he'd "fuck them straight" after they rudely rejected his sexual advances. Not only were they lesbians, they were also from New Jersey, so he did us a double solid. He's like Bernie Goetz, except more noble, less insane, and with maybe even more to gain from lying on the stand! Now, when will the police ever find the mystery man in the pink shirt, one of three men who joined the fight on behalf of the women that evening, and who is, according to that horrible down-market gang of lesbians, the person who may have actually stabbed our poor savior of civilization Dwayne Buckle?
Lesbian wolf pack guilty [NYDN]
Four Women Are Convicted in Attack on Man in Village [NYT]
Dwayne Buckle [Showbiz Directory]