Unfortunately, new Conde Nast bizporn title Portfoilio's Screed-O-Matic is not, as its name seems to suggest, a fun toy for generating the kind of Scary Hollywood Lawyer missives for which epistolary pit-bull Marty Singer is famous. as we can think of no more amusing way to fritter away an entire afternoon than by self-issuing cease-and-desist notices only marginally less petty than ones we've actually received. (I.e., "Your repeated assertion that my client Sanjaya Malakar is actually some kind of minor hellspawn sent to destroy American Idol is malicious and outrageous. He is, in fact, a major demon." etc etc.) Still, there's some entertainment value in taking the S-O-M's interactive quiz on actual letters authored by Singer, especially when one can discover fun facts about how WWD's $3,445 ostrich-skin Prada bag "peace offering" to an offended Sarah Michelle Gellar was ostensibly returned because of the actress's feelings about animal rights.