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In the off chance you haven't already had a listen, celebrity child-welfare advocacy organization has obtained a voicemail in which Glengarry Glen Ross star Alec Baldwin unleashes a Mametesque tirade at daughter Ireland for her failure to answer the phone for a scheduled chat, a recording they selflessly share in the interest of speeding along a resolution to Baldwin and ex-wife Kim Basinger's well-publicized familial disputes. Baldwin's already issued a statement about the message, blaming Basinger for leaking it:

"In the best interest of the child, Alec will do what the mother is pathologically incapable of doing... keeping his mouth shut and obeying the court order.

The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order. Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years."

It's like we're all now in the middle of a really ugly child custody hearing! Fun! If you decide to skip the voicemail but feel like participating in an activity that approximates the unpleasant feelings you'd probably experience by listening, we recommend that you scour YouTube for video of some kindergartners stomping on a wounded duck. That did the trick for us.