Handsy, Drunken Captain America Found Guilty Of SuperJunk-Enhancement


Continuing the proud tradition established by the Hollywood Walk of Fame's own Head-Butting Chewbacca and Picketer-Baiting Batman, Melbourne, Florida's Genital-Touching Captain America has taken a place of honor in the Fake Superhero Justice League with his recent arrest, detailed by The Smoking Gun, on counts of drunken handsiness, marijuana possession, and third-degree package misrepresentation for his stuffing of a burrito into his tights during a costumed pub-crawl. TSG also has video of the booking, in which the disgraced defender of America is subjected to a humiliating, symbolic surrender of his crimefighting uniform's cowl and red boots.