Sanjaya Not Gay, Just Gay-Seeming

As far as we're concerned, as soon as any penis-bearing young adult sets foot on the American Idol stage, they're instantly classified a Gay, regardless of sexual inclination. But Season 6 breakout star Sanjaya Malakar was more than just a Gay to us: He was a no-talent Gay with almost supernaturally versatile hair. As it turns out, however, Sanjaya is actually a 100% red-blooded heterosexual male, trapped in the body of an extremely gay-seeming teenager:

"I've always gotten along with girls better because I was raised by women," Malakar tells PEOPLE in its new issue. [...]
I got teased in school because people figured I must be gay because I understand women," the phenomenally popular American Idol castoff says. "I think that's why guys didn't like me - because I got along with girls so well. When I went up to girls they would give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek like I was their gay friend. But I was the straight guy that understood them."

Malakar will undoubtedly be taken to task for his assertion, but considering he is just 17, we'd entreat you to allow the budding adolescent superstar to do a little more searching before settling on a rigid sexual identity. (We'd suggest the first place he look is inside the costume chest containing his Hawaiian-style booty-shaking paraphernalia.) Still, we applaud Malakar for so quickly addressing the topic head-on, thus allowing his own Fanjayas to get a head start on the important delusionary work that lies ahead if they expect to catch up to a generation of horny and blissfully incurious Claymates.