In this rainy Friday edition of his tour through the party photos of Last Night's Party, The Cobrasnake and Ambrel, Alex Blagg, sees a few things that permanently damage his ability to ever enjoy life the same way again. Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in Blue States Lose.
10.The Cobrasnake. Atlantis Interzone photo #8122: Who's your sassy new friend, Little Johnny Mouthbreather? Does he call himself Karl Intensity? Is he magical? His eyes blaze with the fierce beauty of a thousand suns!
9.Last Night's Party. More Poutine photo #6202: I really have to wonder how much longer the goofy glasses neon-vomit thing can last - it feels like I've been writing about it for weeks now. Isn't about time we go ahead and move on to the next big thing, like fake Groucho Marx moustache and clown shoes or whatever?
8. The Cobrasnake. Atlantis Interzone photo #8116: You look like a Middle-Eastern prostitue in the nadir of her life, who also just so happens to be the Kool-Aid Man's illegitimate daughter. Great job!
7. Last Night's Party. More Poutine photo #6306: I seriously have no idea whether she's being ironic, or she's just twelve.
6. Last Night's Party. More Poutine photo #6248: Hey, it's the K-Fed of hipster douchebags!
5. Ambrel. Rated X photo #2342: If you like to masturbate to that movie Deliverance, you will probably enjoy this.
4. Last Night's Party. More Poutine photo #6504: How much creepier would Eyes Wide Shut have been if the weird sex freaks were wearing ironic t-shirts (can Everclear be ironic?) rather than tuxes and the password was "brah" instead of "fidelio", and instead of sex they just stood around and took pictures of themselves drinking Pabst until they passed out?
3. Last Night's Party. Lola's BBQ photo #7119: After dinner, some people enjoy dessert and coffee, others a nice glass of port, and yet others like to bury their face in filthy tattooed hipster's ass.
2. Last Night's Party. Lola's BBQ photo #7424: You can now add watermelon to the list of things I will probably never be able to eat again.
1. Last Night's Party. Broadcast Reunion photo #8389: If there's one way I don't want to die, it is definitely having my brains eaten by a retarded bandana-clad hipster zombie wearing a happy birthday tablecloth and a backwards hat with chili peppers on it.
Previously: Hipster Flair