Millions of Americans are crowding around the TV or at least occasionally glancing up from their mugs at the bar to check out the NFL Draft today. Although this seven-round yawnfest mostly features at best reluctant teams picking talent that seems the least likely to implode under animal-abuse charges, colossal fan expectations, and the cold-hearted business features of the NFL, there's occasionally reason to watch. Take, for instance, hunky first rounder Brady Quinn of Notre Dame, who has sports fans licking the hot sauce and blue cheese from their chops every time he drops another position.

According to sources who actually have cable, ESPN's cameras are zoning in on the uncomfortable Quinn, who is doing such things as adjusting his tie, loosening his tie, and playing with his tie in nervous anticipation. The thick/pretty piece of manmeat is jittering like an Eskimo without a parka, and the colossal plummet is schadenfreudelicious! Tune in, at least until some unlucky GM makes the mistake of drafting dude.

ESPN draft commentator Tony Kornheiser: "Somebody please pick this kid!"

Still no pick at 12th, with the Bills on the clock. Tune in yourself to see how old Quinn is when he actually gets drafted!—LEON, WITH THE BOY TAYLOR IN TACOMA

ESPN's Coverage of the NFL Draft [ESPN]