Each Monday, Intern Alexis uses a rigorous scale to rank the happy pair-bonds cemented in the Times wedding announcements. But surely, the Times can't contain all the nuptial bliss to be experienced in the metro area. Ergo, the Post's weddings section, where the couples require a more flexible scale that can take into consideration differences in, say, life experience, and body type.
Last week, we complained that the Post's weddings listings were getting a little too haughty. Today, they sort of redeem themselves. While there are a lot of consultants and bankers on the list, we do get one couple who hired a baseball vendor to sell Cracker Jack at their wedding ceremony and another that does all their marriage-related business while jogging/sprinting. Also there's one Russian girl who is dragging her dark-skinned husband to Moscow so that they can have a second wedding ceremony. All this and more after the jump.
- Nathan is an executive assistant for Goldman Sachs: -15
- Elizabeth is a researcher-editor at RILM Abstracts, which is a continuously published reference guide to music. Sorta like the Yellow Pages but for bands? +0
- Elizabeth, laughing: "I can't wait to start a family, which is good considering that we're expecting a baby fairly soon." This one can go either way, obviously, and even though the Post doesn't give us much on the chronology, but we're thinking what you're thinking: +20
- Shared interests: classical singing and swing dancing: +5
- Aaron Russell and Pattiann McAdams
- The couple met at a party after the annual Shelter Island 10K race: -5
- Aaron proposed to Pattiann after "pacing" her to her personal best in the New York City Marathon. He carried the ring in a Tylenol package in his pocket the whole time: -10
- They were even running when they got married. That was this spring, during the Boston Marathon. They paused when they got to Heartbreak Hill, exchanged vows, and "ran the last five miles as husband and wife." Imagine how sweaty they were. This is gross!! +15
- Apparently the running doesn't end there. For their honeymoond, the couple "plans to compete in the Swiss Alpine Marathon and Tour de France." Pattiann says: "Marriage is a marathon. I know we'll have many finish-line moments together." -15
- First dance was to Depeche Mode's "Somebody": -5
- Total: -20
Mitali Chakravorty and Percy Jimmy Kapadia
- Mitali is director of contract services for K. Russo Associates. Percy Jimmy is a consultant for Deloitte & Touche. He used his office skills to set up "virtual wedding-planning meetings between their Park Slope address and their families in Texas." -25
- They have an address in Park Slope: -25
- Got married in Lake Travis, Texas, and made a point of incorporating "traditions from their two cultures, Bengali and Zoroastrian." Mitali was carried into the room on a platform. At the end the women of the family ran around in circles seven times "with a cord to signify the union." This sounds ridiculous! Chakravorty explains: "We wanted to blend our cultures with American values." -25
- Total: -75
Luis Salgado and Lidia Lozhkina
- Luis, 35, is a party planner. Lidia, 21, is an international-relations graduate student at The New School. She is a Russian girl: +5
- "Luis proposed to me in Puerto Rico on top of a mountain," Lidia remembers. "We had been climbing all day, and in that moment with Luis, surrounded by clouds, I felt like I was in heaven." +15 for aesthetic living.
- Married at City Hall. Going to Moscow next spring for a second ceremony. Word of advise to Luis: people in that country will be scared of you. That is how they were raised. Do your best Borat if the Russian school kids start messing with you. They love that shit. +30 for bravery.
- Their song, according to the Post, is Brainstorm's "Maybe." Key lyrics: "My dreams, my head / my sex, my bed / and it's my Corona with lime." Also, the line "Maybe my animals live in your zoo" appears three times: +30 for these hilarious words.
- Total: 80
- Amy Scheerer and Tom Damato
- Amy is a coordinator for fabric development at Coach. "How about this one?" That's probably the sort of thing she is always saying. Her new husband is a marketing associate at MD Sass. "Don't 'sass' me" is probably a joke he has heard sometimes around the water cooler: +10 for having to put up with stuff like that.
- Amy is a party girl. She wanted her wedding reception to be a big party: +30 for having the right attitude.
- To that end, she threw the wedding at the Carltun in Eisenhower Park. They transformed the space into "a festive lounge with the help of eclectic lighting and a live Caribbean band." +30 for seeing the vision through.
- Tom-dog was pumped to hear that he could hire a "ballpark vendor" for the event. So he did! Then that ballpark vendor "doled out boxes of Cracker Jack to accompany the after-hour mini-hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches." +100 for going above and beyond.
- Total: 170
- Tom-dog and Amy win! Now everyone should be clear on the secret to winning at Ad Hoc (the secret to winning at it is mini-burgers).—LEON