Cheery Condo Clubhouses A Safe Space For New York's Newest Entitled Useless Dipshits

It is only a matter of time until ID-card protected walkways connect the new condo buildings that self-contain New York's newest and brightest youngsters. The Times real estate front pager on those "friendly apartment buildings" this weekend was notable for the picture alone: Carefree whites chortling over a complimentary croissant, a tub of Stoneyfield Yogurt self-righteously open on the spotless glass table. It filled us with loathing. These are people who amble downstairs (or upstairs!) and cavort with their fellow tenants in vast and well-lit common safe spaces. They are clad in "in sweatshirts and fuzzy slippers, suits and oxfords, seeking chocolate muffins and Cheerios." They are evil and they must be stopped. But what if they are us?

Screw Nancy Diaz, we thought, a resident who likened "the condo to a cruise ship" and crowed:

We're going to do movie nights and we're going to do book clubs... there's talk of using the pool for water volleyball. We'll have Monday night sports. We have a spring fling coming up in May."
But then, the phrase "condo like a cruise ship" became a singsong mantra.

Then we realized that we like water volleyball. And yogurt. And Monday nights. And whites.Who doesn't like white people? Anyone?

Inside every New Yorker lurks an old person who wants to live in a retirement home. Keep those Netflixes coming! The future of Manhattan, the city that always naps, clearly will take place indoors. MORE SHUFFLEBOARD PLEASE.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [NYT]