FUSE's 'Rad Girls': Horsewomen Of Apocalypse

If you like to use mass transit or walk around, you've probably seen a poster for the FUSE network's new series "Rad Girls" and thought, "WTF? Rad Girls? Whatever." Those were my thoughts too, until I accidentally sort of watched part of an episode of this show last night, and now I'm completely convinced of two things:

  • We are definitely living in the end times.
  • It's probably for the best.

The conceit of Rad Girls is that there are these three really hot girls (like, Pussycat Dolls hot, so not hot at all but with nice bodies and a shitload of makeup) and they do hilarious, raunchy pranks. Such as: farting! On last night's episode, one of the girls ate a lot of cabbage... oh my God... and then she went out on the street and saw whether people would allow her to fart directly into their mouths. They did.

I just realized that this description makes the prank sound sort of funny, but it completely was not. The reason it wasn't funny was that the Rad Girl in question was incapable of being simultaneously hot'n'sexy and funny. In her defense, this is a pretty hard trick to pull off—in fact, it might even be impossible. (I don't have time right now to go into the socio-cultural implications of that last statement. But please note that I said "hot'n'sexy," not "hot." Big difference). It is possible to be a girl and to be funny, though, and you'd think FUSE could have found a few of this type of person.

Another reason the "like Jackass, but with hott ladies" concept fails is because the Jackass jackasses actually do stuff—they crash their bikes into cacti, eat disgusting things, pole-vault over palm trees, wrestle midgets, etc. From what I can tell, all these girls can do is fart. Another video on their website shows them enticing unsuspecting strangers into their "Smellovator." Haha, farts smell bad! Jesus Christ, could anything be less funny than unfunny people farting on strangers?

Perhaps the biggest problem I have with 'Rad Girls,' however, is its incredibly dumb name. Did no one tell FUSE that the 90s are the new 80s, or maybe the early 00s are the new 90s? I want to slap bad 80s-nostalgia appropriation with a slap bracelet. And also I would like to shoot this TV show in the face. It's very dumb.