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Paris Hilton has faced her share of adversity in the past, but nothing that couldn't be overcome by the snapping open of a compact to remind the wonky-eyed reflection therein, "They're all just jealous, 'cuz you're so hot. Text me, bestie!" But Hilton's latest troubles pit her against a foe so formidable, we doubt even a self-affirmation/nose-powdering will provide solace. We speak, of course, of the L.A. City Attorney, who has filed papers demanding she serve a month-and-a-half for violating probation on a DUI charge:

The legal papers ask that "Hilton be ordered to serve 45 days in County Jail." Prosecutors also want her to be ordered "not to consume any alcohol for a continuous period of 90 days." During that 90-day period, prosecutors want her "to be monitored for alcohol consumption ... by use of a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring (SCRAM) device at her expense." [...]

Because of her "flagrant" driving violations, they want her license suspended for an additional four months — and they want her car impounded for 30 days.

Should Hilton's legal team fail to present a compelling counter-argument at tomorrow's hearing for why their client had mistakenly misinterpreted their instructions not to drive to accomodate for certain exceptions (such as her need and/or desire to go somewhere not accessible in stilettos), prosecutors looking to set an example of the law-flouting party heiress may ultimately get their sentencing wish. Who would have thought that a mere speeding stop could become the event that single-handedly restored hope to a nation for whom hope was in perilously scarce supply?