City Prosecutors Totally Serious About Seeing Local Heiress Do Some Hard Time

Paris Hilton has faced her share of adversity in the past, but nothing that couldn't be overcome by the snapping open of a compact to remind the wonky-eyed reflection therein, "They're all just jealous, 'cuz you're so hot. Text me, bestie!" But Hilton's latest troubles pit her against a foe so formidable, we doubt even a self-affirmation/nose-powdering will provide solace. We speak, of course, of the L.A. City Attorney, who has filed papers demanding she serve a month-and-a-half for violating probation on a DUI charge:

The legal papers ask that "Hilton be ordered to serve 45 days in County Jail." Prosecutors also want her to be ordered "not to consume any alcohol for a continuous period of 90 days." During that 90-day period, prosecutors want her "to be monitored for alcohol consumption ... by use of a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring (SCRAM) device at her expense." [...]
Because of her "flagrant" driving violations, they want her license suspended for an additional four months — and they want her car impounded for 30 days.

Should Hilton's legal team fail to present a compelling counter-argument at tomorrow's hearing for why their client had mistakenly misinterpreted their instructions not to drive to accomodate for certain exceptions (such as her need and/or desire to go somewhere not accessible in stilettos), prosecutors looking to set an example of the law-flouting party heiress may ultimately get their sentencing wish. Who would have thought that a mere speeding stop could become the event that single-handedly restored hope to a nation for whom hope was in perilously scarce supply?