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In the grand tradition of Lindsay Lohan's Gore-entreating, fully adequite call to arms, and Courtney Love's 53 New Year's Resolutions Towards a Less Demon-Plagued Me, comes yet another worthy addition to the canon of incomprehensible celebrity manifestos. This time, the author is Lost casualty and repeat DUI offender Michelle Rodriguez, who responds on her website forum to lesbian magazine Curve for outing her based on "their own suspicions." Well, despite Kristanna Loken's unsubtle hints in the past that the two had been shacking up, it's simply not so, says Rodriguez. We think:

Whatever, I'm not insulted, I have a big lesbian following, and for whatever reasons they show me love I'm never going to shun, disrespect or neglect anybody who shows me genuine non-psychotic Love. [...]

If I were Ellen I may get away with: ' The I'm Gay' level of exposure, but I'm not a comedian, I like men; ( real One's Anyway) and I've only bin in this business for 7 years not 20. Years of recognition can give a person lots of leverage especially if you have many years of positive recognition under your belt. There are certain things that can close doors between a celebrity and certain audiences. Especially in a world where walls are constantly being put up by people seeking comfort and groups to belong to. There is so much out there, over-saturation of music, media, Agenda News, war, political drama, high school prom drama, image drama, religion drama, Bully drama. All this drama is caused by one thing, not understanding the true meaning of communication and the real power behind it. It's tough to learn, I'm working on it myself, but when people come out of nowhere and put words in my mouth or call me Gay, they should really think for one second How they could truly affect my life by doing such things. You don't know what producer, director, would be husband or future audience member may be influenced by these opinions and media content.

The troubled actress's stream-of-insanity ramblings at first left us at a complete loss as to her salient point: She's not a cuddly lesbian talk show host, but if she had bin one, she'd be more comfortable admitting it? After several readings, however, what began to emerge was the familiar concern voiced time and again by prominent gay actors worried openness will lead to typecasting. We'd therefore love to distill her message and pass it on: Michelle Rodriguez likes men, everybody. All kinds of men—from producers to directors, to directors she might consider marrying, to guys watching her movies who want to know they at least have an infinitesimal chance of getting in her pants. We look forward to seeing Rodriguez waving from the back seat of a convertible Cadillac as she grand marshals this year's Actors Who Conveniently Skirt and/or Flat-Out Deny the Issue in the Name of Advancing One's Career Pride parade.