Have you mastered the art of self-praise disguised as self-deprecation? Do old people think you're a god to young people? Can you churn out the kind irrelevant blather that makes Andy Borowitz look like S.J. Perelman? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might want to take a crack at the LA Times's Be Joel Stein! competition. That's right: If you can put together 700 words in the style of Stein, but with some humor added in, the paper may run your column alongside Stein's! Imagine the glory. Actually, even if you answered "no" to all those questions up there, give it a shot. How hard could it be?