Remember on Monday how we chuckled at Michael Pietsch's mandate that his minions at Little, Brown post their profiles, Facebook-style, on Publishers Lunch? Well, it turns out that joke isn't funny anymore! At least, not for us.

The following note came down the pike from Gawker Media Overall King And Managing Editor Lockhart "Not Remington!" Steele:

Along with Scott's push to update the staff directory, we're asking for a new form of contact information for you, too. We want you to create a Facebook page.

(This request is actually a non-negotiable demand for everyone at Gawker Media, so do read on. This should take you about three minutes to complete.)

While we can understand the impetus behind the order (it allows Nick Denton to play his "Pick a random employee and fire him" game without having to come into the office, or at least to visually identify staff members that he's forgotten since hiring), we're a little goddamned horrified by the indignity of, you know, having to be on Facebook. What are we, 19? Are we in some goddamned state school sorority? We already spend enough of our time trying to avoid our co-workers; now we've gotta be board buddies with them? Fuck that noise. We quit. —balk

Note: Okay, we totally don't quit, we've got addictions to feed! But seriously, this is bullshit! Fortunately, we're apparently on Facebook in something of a "protected" network, and we don't really want to be your friend, but should you somehow break through the wall and see our profile, know this: The line "Alex Balk and Emily Gould are now friends" is a total lie.