Each week, Intern Alexis tallies up the status indicators of all the couples who've found it necessary to shove their connubial bliss in our faces via the Times Weddings & Celebrations section, so that we can feel superior to them in some small way that we can trick ourselves into thinking is more valuable than material wealth.

We tried as hard as we could to make Emily Larned and Christian Ruggiero the winning couple this week (we loved their Wesleyan-Brown artist and MTV-theme-song producing ways... they seemed straight out of The Emperor's Children by Claire Messud which we are currently reading, [Emily: It's so good, right?] but, alas, they really couldn't compete with Cathy Chavkin and Daniel Schmerin, who were all Penn magna cum laudey out the ass.

Cathy Chavkin and Daniel Schmerin: 19 points

  • Daniel's parents are "of New York": +1
  • Couple met during freshman year of college: +2
  • Both graduated magna cum laude from UPenn: +7
  • Cathy received a master's in contemporary art from Sotheby's Institute of Art: +1
  • Cathy's father is a partner in a law firm; mother is a nursery school teacher: +3
  • Daniel works at the State Department: +2
  • Daniel received two master's degrees: +2
  • Daniel's mother is the vice chairwoman of the board of trustees of the American Friends of Tel Aviv Museum of Art: +1

    Monica Ferguson and Cameron Murphy: 16 points
  • Monica's family is from Greenwich; Cameron's from New Canaan: +2
  • Monica received an M.B.A from Columbia: +2
  • Monica is an i-banker; Cameron works at a hedge fund: +5
  • Both Monica and Cameron's fathers work for companies bearing their last names: John J. Ferguson is a senior partner at Ferguson, Aufsesser, Hallowell & Wrynn and John J. Murphy is the founder and senior principal of Murphy Capital Management: +4
  • Monica and Cameron's father share the same first name, plus initial: +3

    Elizabeth Angell and Victor Brand: 14 points
  • Elizabeth Angell's parents are "of New York": +1
  • The bride is keeping her name: -1
  • She's a senior editor at Allure: +1
  • She graduated magna cum laude from Harvard: +4
  • She has a master's in American history and literature from Columbia: +2
    (The bride writes: "I have an MFA in creative writing from Columbia, not a masters in history. This mistake belongs to the New York Times, not you, and while I sometimes wonder if I should have bought myself a masters in something like history, I must live with my decision to invest in an MFA.")
  • The bride's parents are members of the board of the Robert Packard Center for ALS Research at Johns Hopkins University: +1
  • Mrs. Angell is the vice chairman of the board of WNYC: +1
  • Mr. Angell is on the board of the Henry Street Settlement: +1
  • Mr. Brand is a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in art: +1
  • He graduated cum laude from Davidson: +1
  • He received a master's in creative writing from Columbia: +2

    Emily Larned, Christian Ruggiero: 14 points
  • Both have parents from CT suburbs: +2
  • Bride is keeping her name: -1
  • Emily is working toward a Master in Fine Arts in graphic design at Yale: +3
  • Emily's "father is the chairman of the Brooklyn Improvement Company, founded in 1866 by Edwin C. Litchfield, the bride's maternal great-great-great grandfather, to create the Gowanus Canal": +3
  • Emily's art has been collected by more than 60 universities, libraries and museums: +1
  • Christian graduated from Brown: +1
  • He "has also composed and produced the theme music for several MTV shows": +2
  • Our patented rating system:
  • Investment banker: +2
    Both Investment bankers: +5
    Job involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +1
    Both have jobs involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +3
    Management Consultant: +2
    Both management consultants: +5
    Trader: +2
    Both traders: +5
    Corporate lawyer: +2
    Both corporate lawyers: +5
    Works for Defense Department: +2
    Doctor: +2
    Both doctors: +5
    Teacher at a New York City or Connecticut private school: 2
    Parents from New York City or wealthy suburb in Connecticut: 1
    New York Times employee: +1
    State Department employee: +2
    Bride is an elementary school teacher: +1
    Works in media: +1
    Ivy league graduate: +1 *
    Both ivy league graduates: +3
    Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +2*
    Both Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, Sorbonne: +5*
    For each subsequent degree after a B.A.: +1
    Ivy league B.A. with graduate degree at low-ranking local
    college/university: -1
    If bride or groom attended/teach at any school with "Country Day" in
    the name: +2
    Coro fellow at NYU Law: +1
    Has MFA in creative writing from University of Iowa: +1
    Graduated Cum Laude: +1
    Graduated Magna Cum Laude: +2
    Graduated Summa Cum Laude: +3
    Fulbright fellow: +2
    Rhodes scholar: +3
    Couple met online: -1
    Couple met at art opening: 2
    Couple met at art opening for husband's/wife's show: +3
    Woman is at ideal age for getting married (25): 1
    Man is at ideal age for getting married (27): 1
    For each member of couple over 35: -1
    Couple married by a Cantor: +1
    Couple met during or before their freshman year in college: +2
    Bride or groom goes by middle name: +1
    Mother a nursery school/kindergarten teacher or reading
    specialist/father is a wealthy professional: +3
    If the groom is Jewish and the bride Asian: +2
    If the groom is Asian and the bride is Jewish: -1
    Bride and groom share a last name before getting married: +2
    The bride/bridegroom's first marriage ended in divorce: -2
    Descendant/related to somebody famous: +3
    Descendant of a President: +5
    Descendant of a founding father: +5
    Groom wearing gingham in picture: +1
    Parent is a trustee or board member of a company or organization: +1
    per company/org
    Parent is a member of the Bermuda parliament: +2
    Bride or Groom is a board member of a company or organization: +1 per
    Bride "is keeping her name", "will continue to use her name professionally": -1
    If there is a Jr., II, III or IV in a name: +2
    If there is a "von" in a last name: +2
    Couple featured in "Vows" column: +2
    Bride or groom's first name is a made-up preppy name: +3
    If someone famous comes to the wedding and is mentioned: +2
    If wedding ceremony held at Bethesda by the Sea in Palm Beach, and/or
    reception under a tent at the bride's grandmother's house in P.B: +2
    Bride clearly quits her job after the wedding: +1
    Married by an Episcopal priest: +1
    Groom is 15-30 years older than bride: +3
    Bride and groom both from New Jersey: -2
    Partner in corporate law firm: +3
    Bridge teaches elementary school, groom in finance: +2
    Bride works for auction house, groom in finance: +2
    Bride/groom works for company founded by parents: +2
    Bride/groom related to a socialite: +2
    Bride/groom's father/mother works for a company bearing his/her last name: +2
    Bride and groom's father/mother share a first name, plus initial: +4
  • *Apply to graduate school degrees in addition to B.A.s