Rod Townsend (aka our commenter Momo), sometimes receives telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.


"He-he-hello! It's The Past calling, perkypecs! Me and my buddy Tia just got back from the Angelika. Have you ever heard of this actress Parker Posing?"

"Posey. Parker Posey."

"Yeah, like, she's in it and Natasha Twist and those horrible It Twins. Oh, and Lady Bunny's in it, but her name's not in the credits—scandal! Anyway, it's about this girl who throws parties to pay her rent. Which is totally ironic."

"What's ironic about that?"

"Because the only reason Tia went to see this Party Girl movie was because she was kicked out of her place while her room-mate Paolo was hosting a Carter's New York Prime party at their apartment."

"What's that, like a steak-of-the-month club?"

"Well, there's some beef there, but no. Tia and Paolo were hanging out at Cats, that hustler bar in Times Square? They met up with this big dude that had no looks but tons of personality. Turns out he's Carter, as in the famous Carter of Carter's New York Prime."


"Well, if you read that little fagrag, HX, every week—and who doesn't—there's always a listing for his parties. It's totally exclusive. You have to call this number in the listing to arrange an 'interview' with Carter (which I'm pretty sure that include a visit to Fellation Nation). Once you're on the list, you receive word each month about the parties. They've been all over the city; Paolo even went to one in the basement of Splash."

"What? People were having sex right on the bar?"

"Mon chaton ennuyeux, the bar is upstairs. Anyway, since so many gays are moving to the East Village, Carter was looking for a venue in the 'hood and since Paul's rent is kind of expensive, he went for it. I can't say I can blame him. They're paying almost $1600 for a two bedroom."

"$1600? For a two bedroom that's ..."

"Insane, I know, but it's fancy and sort of has a perfect layout for the sex parties. Grante, he has to prep things. He covers all the furniture with black plastic and tuck tape...wait, I mean duct tape. Anyway, he rolls up the rugs, puts purple gels on all the lamps, and sets up a rolling rack in the kitchen."

"A rolling rack in the kitchen? Sounds kinky."

"What doesn't to you? What happens is people enter the apartment, check in and pay at the breakfast nook and then take off all of their clothes in the kitchen where our other friend Eric is operating the check-in."

"Wait, but you said it was Paolo's apartment. Where's Paolo?"

"He's walking around making sure there are plenty of condoms and lube and no one's trying to get into Tia's room. Not to mention sticking little Paolo into anywho and anywhat."

"Wait. They don't use Tia's room? So why doesn't she just hang out there during the party?"

"Six hours is a long time to sit in your room and read Cosmo. And it's not like she can just come out and be all, 'Hey, boys.' The last thing these guys need to see is a tranny that's taller than them. And Tia's all like, 'Not to mention better hung!'"

"So, like, in Party Girl, she ends up becoming a librarian or something, right? You think that's going to happen to Paolo?"

"Paolo has this big time job already. Merchandise Coordinator for Nobody Beats the Wiz. You know that'll lead to something big."

"Actually, The Wiz ..."

"Dude, I've been ignoring Tia while I was talking to you and now I've got a rowdy tranny on my hands. We're going to go to Meow Mix and yell at lesbians for a while. Talk soon."

Earlier: Past, Over