Jessica Alba To Seize Control Of Casting Couch From Horny White Male Oppressors


At first, we thought that some editor at Parade (motto: "When the Cerritos Pennysaver's celebrity coverage is too hard hitting, we're there for you.") was trying to slyly undermine the above pullquote (from this Sunday's issue) about Jessica Alba's ambitious plan to produce movies with empowering female roles by reminding everyone that her greatest critical accolade is the coveted "Sexiest Performance" Golden Tub of Popcorn. But then we realized that when the actress really gets her producing career rolling, those are exactly the parts she'll develop for herself, proving to the white males who control Hollywood that she no longer needs them to cast her in the stripper roles that best show off her talents.