Somehow we missed the most important story of the week. (Been ill.) On Wednesday, nightlife boy-reporter Spencer Morgan quietly told us all that Simon Hammerstein, the boy-owner of over-promoted Lower East Side hotspot the Box, is planning to open a bathhouse. Apparently for the sex and stuff!

Theater degenerate Simon Hammerstein had this to say:

"We're interested in what people do when they leave the Box." You mean, like, eat? "No, not a fucking dinner," he said with a chuckle, but refused to elaborate."They're going to open a bathhouse," said a floor manager at the Box later that night. And then: "I'm not sure if anyone's supposed to know that." Oops! Another Box insider confirmed that some sort of bathhouse or sauna is being planned.

By Hammerstein's logic we can only assume the young theater heir is looking to become a dominant force in Lower East Side realty. Up next, interested in what they do after they leave the Box Bathhouse (called maybe The Hot Box?), Hammerstein plans to open a free STD clinic. Vertical integration, yo.

Should this whole bathhouse thing come to pass, it may change our opinion of Hammerstein (gadabout, arriviste, silly queen) to more like "awesome."

Oh Shvitz! Simon Hammerstein, Our Favorite Scion, Is Thinking Out of the Box With Bathhouse Spin-Off [NYObserver]