Crazed Christ-Loving Re-Virgin Quits 'Daily News'

Self-styled "former popular-music historian" turned revirginized Catholic loonytune Dawn Eden is no longer a deputy news editor at the New York Daily News. She says she's leaving to take her "dream job" as director of the Cardinal Newman Society's Love and Responsibility program, whose "projects include promoting Eucharistic Adoration, monitoring commencement speakers, and campaigning to stop Catholic campuses from hosting Eve Ensler's play that reduces women to their anatomy." Dawn is "elated, excited, and, most of all, thankful," which is just how we'd feel about basically any news if we hadn't gotten laid since March 2003. And from what we hear, her Daily News co-workers are pretty elated to see her go!

Says one: "Deputy News editors design and layout pages. She never designed a single page. She didn't know how. Pressure was on to bring her up to speed in this respect. But despite the news editor title, she was just a copy editor - she edited stories, wrote headlines and gave her boss hell. She went over his head constantly, recently assigned coverage of a Catholic organization, without his knowledge and even accused him of making anti-Catholic remarks." So now everyone's happy! Most especially Jesus.