Breaking: Paris Released From Jail Early, To Serve Rest Of Sentence At Home

Well, that was fast: After serving five lifestyle-cramping days at Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Facility, Paris Hilton has been released from the jail to serve out the remaining 40 days of her original sentence at home, monitored by one of those unflattering, Martha Stewart-style electronic ankle bracelets, which she's already busy bedazzling with Swarovski crystals to minimize its impact on her cutest home-confinement outfits. Unspecified medical reasons were cited for the early release; while confidentiality laws prohibited a sheriff's department from disclosing the exact problem, he did allow that she may have been "psychologically bummed" about her imprisonment and that the facility's staff feared the humiliating intake body cavity search she was subjected to may have permanently extinguished the impish glimmer in her lazy eye, prompting the hasty change of venue.

More on this story when information becomes available as the day progresses, God help us all.

UPDATE: Would you like to see a brief local news clip of the nice man at the press conference who announced announcing that Hilton was reassigned to the "community-based alternative to custody electronic monitoring program." Of course you would. After the jump: