Surviving Ladies Of 'The View' Hoping Life With Whoopi Is Less Annoying Than Life With Rosie

With Rosie O'Donnell gone from The View, the majority of her days since her abrupt, contentious departure spent dictating angry haikus to an assistant while suspended in her upside-down depression-therapy rig, ABC has been quietly auditioning potential replacements. According to Star Magazine, they have settled on former Patrick-Swayze-channeling conduit Whoopi Goldberg:

"As far as everyone at ABC is concerned, she has the job," a network insider confirms to Star. "They have been meeting with Kathy Griffin, Rosanne Barr, Ricki Lake and Gayle King." While Kathy was a strong contender, Whoopi has won everyone over."
"Whoopi has a radio show, she lives in NYC and she is an institution. She also is liberal and outspoken but not crazy like Rosie was. She will be a perfect fit as far as the ladies on The View are concerned." [...]

ABC executives are so excited about signing Whoopi that they even offered her what they refused to give Rosie - a year-to-year deal. "When Rosie finds out, she'll be furious!" tattles another source.

Goldberg could prove a suitable match for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, offering sharp-tongued counterpoint to the shrill, neocon birthing vessel without resorting to name-calling or whiny claims about her own victimization. Still, there was something about Rosie's tenure of terror—perhaps the imminent threat of one of Rosie's co-hosts having the breath squeezed out of them with a clench firmer than any crocodile's jaw—that leads us to question whether the Whoopi era of The View will ever reach the same heights of chemically-imbalanced-lesbian-with-serious-anger-issues appointment television that her predecessor's did.