Sperm are also fast and as cute as tadpoles. They have chubby teardrop heads and stylish, tapering tails, and they glide, slither, bumble and do figure-eights. So while a father may not be entitled to take the same pride in his sperm as he does in his kids, it's fair to celebrate the single-minded cellular commas that helped give those children their start.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! Did you know just how special you are because you're unable to prevent yourself from ejaculating constantly? Personally, we're going to observe International Sperm Adoration Day in the most wasteful, perhaps murderous, manner ever.