This week, the strain of mocking the hipsters in the pictures from Misshapes, The Cobrasnake, and Last Night's Party finally causes Alex Blagg to snap. The result? A concise drama that recalls Albee at the height of his powers. Please take your seats, the show is about to begin. Turn your cellphones to vibrate, ladies and gentlemen. It's Blue States Lose!
10.Misshapes. Just 2nd, 2007 photo #128: "Misshape Management", A Play In One Act
INT. MISSHAPES HEADQUARTERS - EVENING
The fabulous trio is preparing for another evening of fun and fucking fabulousness. Leotard Fantastik and Princess Coldstare look at each other pensively then give Other Guy, who's applying his guyliner, a gentle tap on the shoulder.
OTHER GUY: Hey girls! What's up?
LEOTARD (quiet and guilty, through his bangs): There's um, something we need to talk about....
OTHER GUY: Dish, Leotard - you know you can tell me anything!
LEOTARD: Well, Princess Coldstare and I were talking, and uh, we think your look is starting to get a little...off brand.
OTHER GUY (taken aback): What...what brand? What do you mean?
LEOTARD: We just, uh, think the spiky pink hair and sleeveless vest and eye make-up is just a little too sassy, and not quite...I dunno, serious.
COLDSTARE: We're Misshapes, not gay punk groupies.
OTHER GUY: But this is who I am! I just wanted to, like, express my own identity!
COLDSTARE (menacingly): You have no identity. The Other Guy - that's your identity.
OTHER GUY: But—
COLDSTARE: Fix it, or you're out. You're a fucking Misshape, and if you don't start dressing like it, Kid's Meal is more than ready for the big show.
OTHER GUY (sighing): As you wish...
9.Misshapes. June 2nd, 2007 photo #049: Oh my god. Little Scotty Mouthbreater is setting fucking TRENDS. This cuckhole actually saw Scotty and said to himself, "Yes! THAT is what I want to be."
8. Misshapes. June 2nd, 2007 photo #089: I love that Douchey Warbucks has decided to go all cazh on us. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool in his Smith's t-shirt and khakis, you'd never even guess that he's also wearing assless leather chaps and a cock ring.
7. The Cobrasnake. Jane Membrain photo #9844: All the cream in the world won't change the fact that you look like you've wrapped yourself in tin foil.
6. The Cobrasnake. Pull My Fingers photo #0914: Finding people on the street who are probably poorer than you and using them for funny photo props is, like, sooooo hot.
5. Misshapes. June 2nd, 2007 photo #047: Aww, hipster "getting to know you" team-bulding activities! Coming up next:junkie trust falls!
4. Misshapes. June 2nd, 2007 photo #034: The Androgynous Air Jordan Fan Who Yodels? You bet your sweet ass.
3. Misshapes. June 2nd, 2007 photo #091: Daddy, can we keep him, can we keep him!?! He'll live out in the shed and be called Sparklehorse!
2. Last Night's Party. Just Awesome photo #7810: How do go through all the trouble of putting on the magical fairy eye make-up, yellow mesh shirt and spikey dog collar, this sit there looking like you're fucking miserable. Come on, you're looking totally ridiculous in public - cheer up, already!
1. Random Night Out. Heather's Birthday photo set: HAHAHAHA, fucking Richard Blakeley is on a Hipster Photo Blog For People Who Aren't Hipsters, and sent me the link to it, which means he WANTS YOU TO SEE THIS. Gawker's own Orson Welles is the one in plaid, acting all cool.
Previously: Obscenities On A T-Shirt