Top Pinkberry Officials Wondering If TCBY Ever Had To Put Up With This Bullshit

Pinkberry has weathered its fair share of trials recently—perhaps that's to be expected, as any Borg-like entity steadily converting the L.A. population into one Fruity-Pebble-consuming master race is sure to meet with some pockets of resistance. But the march continues, aided by the morale boost of an LAT study which revealed their "chilly bliss" includes among its top-secret ingredients some actual, yogurt-like substances:

Intrigued by the mystery of whether the product is actually yogurt, The Times sent samples of Pinkberry — along with Golden Spoon and Baskin-Robbins frozen yogurt — to a food lab for analysis.

The test results were clear: "Bottom line, they all had cultures," said Brian Parmenter of Bodycote FPL, a food-testing lab in Portland, Ore. What's more, they are all relatively low-calorie and fat-free. Of the three samples, Pinkberry logged the lowest calories per ounce with 26 and undetectable levels of fat. [...]

But wait, wait, wait, it's not that simple — or so say the attorneys who filed the lawsuits. Pinkberry isn't meeting the minimum 10 million cultures per gram required in frozen yogurt at the point of manufacturing, they say, and there's still that problem of where the yogurt is mixed.

"That's not really the whole story," attorney Mary Glarum said. "There are still a lot of open questions. If they have nothing to hide, than they should tell people what's in their product."

Perhaps, but as we quietly revealed last week, any relative good customers thought they might be doing for themselves would be immediately offset by the guilt they felt over knowing the tart zip of their seemingly innocuous summer addiction was derived from pulverized skeletons of some of the natural world's rarest and most adorable creatures.