Nashville Calling

You catch that Arts & Leisure piece on Toby Keith and Brad Paisley in this weekend's Times? Turns out these country music stars are making a fortune while indulging in a fondness for bad puns. We're not exactly sure why this is news—country music has trafficked in lousy jokes since long before "She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)"—but no matter: If there's money to be made we want a piece of it. We spent the morning writing a country song of our own; if any music legends out there need a career-resuscitating hit, drop us a line! And there's plenty more where this came from! You're in for a treat!


Wee Bit of Heartbreak

Tonight I'm in the men's room
I'm drinking in the stall
My baby weighing heavy on my mind
And as I think about her
My tears begin to fall
But the drops I spill are of a different kind

I've got a bladder full of broken dreams
A pecker full of pain
My sorrows, they grow deeper with each spray
When it comes to making bad mistakes
I'm truly Number One
Every chance I've had I've pissed away

To understand my troubles
Son, it doesn't take a wiz
I miss her more than you can ever know
I didn't want to leave her
But we all know how it is
Sometimes you've just really got to go

I've got a bladder full of broken dreams
A pecker full of pain
My sorrows, they grow deeper with each spray
When it comes to making bad mistakes
I'm truly Number One
Every chance I've had I've pissed away

So if you see my baby
Tell her that I'm doing fine
Treat her nice and ask her for a dance
Let her know I love her
Let her know I'd stand on line
But I'll never mend the hurt that's in my pants

I've got a bladder full of broken dreams
A pecker full of pain
My sorrows, they grow deeper with each spray
When it comes to making bad mistakes
I'm truly Number One
Every chance I've had I've pissed away

Lyrics written by Alex Balk © 2007 Big Liver Music

It Takes a Tough Man to Tell a Bad Joke [NYT]