Today Rudy Giuliani will speak at Pat Robertson's Regent University, where he will address a group of conservative voters who are at odds with some of his stances on social issues. Giuliani's goal, according to the Sun is to convince skeptics that "his bona fides on leadership and fiscal discipline should trump his views on... like abortion." How will he do it?
Ladies and gentlemen, I know that many of you disagree with my position on abortion. And my mixed signals on gay marriage. Or gun control. And I understand that it looks a little funny that pretty much everyone so many of my associates, from Bernie Kerik to the cocaine-dealing campaign aide to that molesty priest have engaged in criminal activities. The cross-dressing thing probably doesn't put your mind at ease. And the fact that I've been married three times, once to my cousin, well, even I find that a little creepy. But you know what? 9/11. Also: Firemen! Flags! Kittens with firemen! God bless America.
That's our guess, anyway.