The LES has lost another vital neighborhood institution with the shuttering of Tattoo Heaven Smoke Shop, a fake ID front and tattoo parlor that was shut down by the cops. What! This will surely rock the worlds of the Virtual Lower East Side!
The 500-square-foot alleged bogus-license boutique remains locked up behind steel shutters, pending a hearing on June 28. But don't be surprised if a "for rent" sign appears outside the spray-painted storefront in coming weeks.
Now we believe the NYPD believe they're doing the right thing but in reality, they're depriving 16-year-olds on field trips from suburban high schools the right to get a unicorn holding a clover riding on the back of a dolphin through an ocean of Kanji tattooed on the small of their back.
Hey skeezers! Long time no see. So I'm a little lonely in here. I've been wandering around in this perpetual dusk for a couple of days now and haven't seen that many bros or dudettes. Today I caught sight of mad peeps dancing but upon further inspection they were all robots. Gnarly! I even saw a dude passed out on the street in front of Arlene's but he was just [bum192], a drone. I was personally bummed to hear Tattoo Heaven Smoke Shop (TatHev, we call it). I remember when I first moved to New York and I got a fake ID from there. It said I was from "New Hamshire" and it worked for two years until some fucking bouncer at the Cooler confiscated it at a Pixeltan show. He was from that state and knew there was a P somewhere in there.
Finally I ran into Thalia who seemed to run away from me a couple of times before I cornered her between a payphone booth and a shuttered deli.
t h a l i a: hey
t h a l i a: what's going on
Wayne: not much. i have a question for you
t h a l i a: ok
Wayne: do you know where a guy can get a fake ID around here? i'm only 19 and I want to get wasted!
t h a l i a: um, i'm far from being 19 these days
Wayne: how old are you? i mean if you care to answer
Wayne: you kind of look like your early 20s!
t h a l i a: ya thanks?
Wayne: Anyway, I just read that they shut down this fake ID place over on 2nd Street
t h a l i a: my profile says 106
t h a l i a: i beleieve
Wayne: what do you think about that? Is the LES losing its character?
t h a l i a: (i'm a typing genius by the way)
t h a l i a: this sounds like an interview
t h a l i a: losing its character? have you seen the condos going up?
Wayne: this kind of IS an interview
t h a l i a: cool, gotta run. talk again soon.
Whatevs. I'm heading to Piano's. They don't even check Virtual ID!