Hollywood Predictably Horny For The iPhone

On Friday, executives all over town will discover that no matter how many times they offer their anguished cries of, "Who the fuck does my assistant have to blow for me to get one of these goddamn iPhones?" to the Hollywood heavens, they'll still find themselves without the universally coveted, yet tragically scarce, miracle gadget. Those whose fears of status-symbol deprivation are most acute have already been working every last connection to obtain the phone, knowing that showing up to dinner at Cut without it would be tantamount to unzipping one's fly at the maitre d' stand and revealing to everyone in the restaurant that one's genitals had mysteriously disappeared. In a story about the growing anxiety surrounding iPhone Day, Ad Age notes how the industry's power players plan on getting their greedy hands on one:

It's been a true turnabout for West Coast producers, directors, agents and managers. "Usually it's us getting the clients free swag, like free Helios and Sidekicks," said one assistant at talent agency Endeavor. "But now it's the other way around. I heard from one friend of mine at a studio that a senior production executive was using his relationship with a high-profile actor to get himself an iPhone. What's weird is that the actor was actually like, 'Yeah, I think I know someone at Apple who can hook you up.'"

Those whose connections fall through can always avail themselves of the many line-waiting services currently being offered on Craigslist. Then again, why put your faith in a possibly untrustworthy stranger when you're in charge of an entire studio full of warm bodies? An operative tells us that late last week, an e-mail went out from the emperor's office at Paramount, asking underlings for "volunteers" to brave the Calcutta-like congestion of the tent cities forming outside local Apple and Cingular stores, hoping that enough of the selfless assistants and interns pressed into the thankless duty survive the ordeal (sure to quickly devolve into horrific scenes of anarchy and cannibalism as the initial inventory dries up) to supplement the meager iPhone supply they've been able to pre-secure for gifts, bribes, and general showing-off purposes.