Alec Baldwin Feels Inadequate

The date: June 22, 2007
The place: University & 11th
Sighted: Walking up University Place on my way to Union Square, I had to jump out of the way of a maniacal Alec Baldwin, who was frantically chasing after a brunette. The only thing is that she wasn't running away, and I don't think he even knew her, because he ran up to her saying, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" Is he that desperate for a date?! They exchanged words for a few minutes and then she walked off, at which point he stumbled into the street. At first I thought he was crying, but it turns out he was just furrowing his brow and gripping his chest. I thought he was going keel over in the middle of the street. He then got back into his SUV (which I guess he had jumped out of in pursuit of this chick, who wasn't that hot) and drove off down 12th Street.

There are two stages of life in which the always-fragile celebrity ego is most vulnerable to a complete loss of its proverbial shit. The more photogenic of these stages occurs in the female during her late teens and early 20s. The photos and drunken ramblings of young, lady celebrities in various amusing stages of meltdown/undress are not exactly hard to come by these days. The second stage is, arguably, not as well documented. Probably because it occurs in the aging male celebrity and, though our nation clearly has a few issues, we haven't yet reached the level of complete societal breakdown indicated by a yearning for photos of old-man privates. But hey, it's only June. Unfortunately, the above sighting seems to indicate that Alec Baldwin is teetering on the edge of a stage-two crisis.

Granted, his nonsensical appearance on "The View" back in April didn't rise to Cruiseian couch-jumping levels. But it was kind of weird. And no, he hasn't gotten bombed and called anyone sugar tits yet, but honestly, can't you picture that happening fairly soon? Let's be clear. Alec Baldwin is hilarious. And that hilarity has kept him in the public's good graces through countless instances of douchebaggery. And though calling his teenage daughter a pig offended the inner, chubby bulimic teen in every woman I know, no one wants to see a video of him trying to eat a cheeseburger off the floor shirtless.

This is a dreadfully important time in Alec's rebuilding before the public. And much of it must happen in private. Nearly anything he does wrong now could turn all of America against him. Is this something he is too churlish and petty to understand? Does he not enjoy his celebrity status at all? Does he want to be forced to be removed permanently to Ronkonkoma to live in a 2-bedroom and do nothing all day?

Maybe the whole thing was Basinger's fault, but regardless, Alec needs to watch himself. He has a family history. And let's face it, as funny as the guy is on 30 Rock, he's only one Hawaiian shirt and a bad hair day away from being a total Nolte.

Previously: Dead Larry King Deserves His 'Privileges'