We can't convict Lindsay. We can't kill Paris. So we're taking our anger out on our own commenters. Hey, slow news day, isn't it?

Made Redundant: BobbyJoeBoB
Reason for dismissal: Being a Category Five Dickface

Made Redundant: DeathOrGloryToad
Reason for dismissal: Gambling on Emily's mood, losing.

Made Redundant: Aatom, Bill Brasky, Ctrl-Freak
Reason for dismissal: Hey, guess what? We know when it's a slow news day! That's why we're posting crap in the first place? You want a more exciting read? Make something happen. Send us an email about what socialite you fingered this weekend. Leak us a memo. Kill Walter Cronkite or something. (We are not actually suggesting that you kill Walter Cronkite. But if you happen to have access to him for some reason, maybe try jumping out of a closet when he walks by and yelling "Boo!" Just to see what happens.) We'll make the "slow news day" cracks around here, thank you.

Redundancies are just that: An HR-approved way to get rid of you while deflecting all blame and making you feel doubly victimized. It's not you—it's just that we don't need you any more. Y'all may check the Gawker Comments FAQ. It is also true that banned commenters may return through our invitation. The best way to receive such is to send us cookies (peanut butter, please, and not personalized) or charming and juicy gossip-filled emails.