Froot Loops Are The New Celery Coke Straws

Earlier today we announced the astonishing trend (still to really take off!) of celery tubes replacing dollar bills as the vehicle of choice from coke mirror to brain. You responded en masse, celebrating the benefits of such a healthful and nutritious coke straw. But that was this morning. In the interim, we've discovered a tastier and more apt tool: Froot Loops Cereal Straws.

According to a field test by The Impulsive Buy, the straws not only hold up well in the face of sogginess but "there's something about unabashedly artificial flavoring that's both charming and nostalgic... sexual, even." Hmm, artificial, charming, nostalgic, sexual even? Sounds just like cocaine!

The recommended serving size of three straws contain 24 grams of carbohydrates and 2 grams of saturated fat which isn't incredibly healthy but on the other hand, neither is snorting cocaine. And the benefits are obvious. I mean, look at Toucan Sam, the Kellogg spokesbird, who is certainly the most well-known of children's breakfast mascots with a monkey on his back. He's been around for 44 years and he's beak shows no signs of deterioration.