This Monday morning is no less painful than any other on the calendar, but at least you only have to survive 48 hours before you're rewarded with a day off. Cling to the weekend box office numbers as you try to make it through the excruciating two days that stand between you and illegal firework displays, backyard barbecues, and egregious midweek drunkenness:
1. Ratatouille—$47.227 million
Another summer, another critically beloved animated feature that tops the box office on its opening weekend, extending Pixar's years-long consecutive hits streak. But now that the studio has proven it can push to number one a movie with a premise as theoretically unsavory as filthy, health-code flouting rodents running amok in the kitchen of a French restaurant, they'll seek a challenge that will properly tax their unparalleled hitmaking talents: development has begun on Crabs, the story of some misunderstood, but ultimately lovable, genital lice making their home in the overgrown pubic hair of a Hungarian prostitute. Summer 2009 opening weekend gross: $53 million.
2. Live Free or Die Hard—$33.150 million
As we predicted on Friday, the lure of John McClane blowing shit up on a midsummer Friday night was too strong to resist, and we cast this weekend's $14 box office vote for Die Hard, even though we found Fox's promotional efforts a little lacking. Well, except for the one where a shitfaced Bruce Willis promised us we'd have a good time at his movie:
3. Evan Amighty—$15.089 million
It seems that God has sent a clear message to Hollywood: Stop fucking up My perfectly good stories with your CGI nonsense. (A disappointing box office run hurts Hollywood much worse than a flood ever could.)