Live from the pages of The Underminer: The Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life, we invited everyone's favorite frenemy to chime in from time to time on various hot topics. It's an enduringly funny joke—but ultimately, the joke is on the Underminer, don't you think? S/he's the one who's really so obsessed with status and validation. Once you begin to pity the underminer, you can never really be undermined again. Ohhhmm shanti.
You've really added some special flair to your wardrobe! With your long snakeskin coat and sunglasses! You look totally Matrix 2003! That is so sweet. I know you have always wanted to dress like this and now you can! Here! Are you going to, like, grapple or do some kung fu kickboxing on WWE Smackdown after this?
Oh, I know, I know, I look exactly the same as my avatar. Save for the gossamer wings. I am so uncreative! But, I just believe in honesty, you know?
You like my understated blue slim suit? Yea, this was designed specifically for me by my friend Hedi, who recently left his demanding job and had some time to create some virtual fashion for some of his close close close friends.
You know I gotta say I kind of knew you were here, because I was passing by the Fetish Tent the other day, and saw you getting raped by an octopus.
No! it's cool, it's cool! We are all here to explore our inner selves and really explore our inner desires.
Oh I am so rude, let me introduce you to my friends Buck, Linkin, Nyna, Sunnee, and Princess Amathustra.
Um. They're a little busy right now having an orgy. They are actually really nice. I'm sure there's a reason they muted you.
You may be thinking to yourself that Linkin looks a little like John Stamos. That's because he is. Ha! We have been dating. Both virtually and in the fleshly world. We just cant get enough of each other. A few weeks into our second lives, we had saved up enough Linden Dollars to move to an incredible island on the Sapphire Sea, next to the island owned by Reuters. We were lucky enough to buy land here wayyyy back in 2006, and have made a MINT selling off plots to late-adaptor types so they can build their little homes of hope. It's fine, because these are people who could never afford to live in luxury loft buildings in their First Lives. And John, I mean Linkin, and I are only happy to help broker the property. And all the Linden dollars we make we transfer back into real dollars and that helps pay for our Shelter Island second home! Second Life! Yay!
You know I just have to say...wait, let me put my arm around your shoulder. OK, there. I just have to say I am so happy you are here. I just think it is so good that you are doing something more creative with your internet addiction.
No! I didn't mean addiction, I just meant that I'm glad you aren't sitting in your soiled underwear playing Texas Hold'em for three days straight like you used to, and going out and meeting people, even if it is here, and you are an...um...more... lengthened representation of yourself.
Maybe when you get done satisfying all your fantasies, you can join in some of the more social aspects of this amazing universe. Like, community building. For instance I spend most of my time here working as Barak Obama's Second Life campaign manager.
Oh be careful! Here comes a gang of feces-throwing Chirstian Right vandalizers! They love to vandalize anything in their path that smacks of liberal politics! Quick, throw on your Cloak of Invisibility before they cover you with—
Oh. Too late.
You don't have a cloak of invisibility? You better get one. I got mine, along with my ability to fly, on the Floating Peninsula of Goodlooking People.
But you can get one anywhere. For about 25,000 Linden Dollars.
ooop! I'm late to meet Damien! He bleached Kitty Carlisle Hart's avatar's skull, encrusted it with rubies and mounted in on a gold sceptor, because I am being inducted into the Hall of Legends. Come by! If you can find it. It's so crazy here! We're all so crazy!
All the best!