Crazed Gunman Attacks New York!

Great news for real New Yorkers! The only person gunning people down in New York today (so far!) is in New York-New York, the casino in Las Vegas. Yay us! "Investigators are still collecting bullets," said the local cops. That is sad. But don't worry, gamblers. Someday the gentrification of New York will reach all the way to Nevada.

Four Wounded In Las Vegas' New York-New York Casino Shooting [AP]