Jay McInerney, Darwin's Saddest Sloth

How has Jay McInerney survived, even prospered? He's like one of those runts of the litter on a Discovery channel documentary: Not smart enough to find the teat, not wily enough to outfox predators. So sad. And yet! For decades, somehow McInerney has turned his loose-living puppy-eyed idiocy into the stuff of salary. His blog for House and Garden has recently chronicled his inability to walk functionally or to talk about anything but his failed film adaptation of "Bright Lights, Big City." The latest post catches McInerney at his best. At the end of a meal at Babbo, McInerney comes into some unpleasantness.

If only the guy sitting next to me hadn't stolen my cell phone when I left it on the bar. I inevitably leave my cell phone on the bar at Otto and the bartenders inevitably save it for me. This creep answered my phone a couple of times when I called but quickly hung up.
Memo to McInerney: It's New York, kitty-cat! Don't leave your business laying about. Memo to the dude who stole the phone: We might actually pay some money for that phone, but ONLY if that isn't a crime and only so we can return it to him, various other disclaimers here.