Bravo's Emmy Bounty Inspires Andy Cohen To Give Something Back

While it's always nice to read Emmy nominee reactions, attempts at not coming across as too boastful can sometimes make for colorless quotes. Luckily, blogging Bravo executive Andy Cohen is never one to dampen his enthusiasm for anything him-related, and so we take you now to his report from the Bravo offices, where staffers are so ebullient over their nine nominations, they are offering free hand-jobs to all takers:

I am more scattered than usual this morning because of Bravo's big news - NINE EMMY NOMINATIONS! That includes nominations for "Top Chef" and "Project Runway" for Outstanding Reality Competition Program and Kathy Griffin's "Life on the D List" for Best Reality Program. "Inside the Actors Studio" got its 13th nomination for Outstanding Nonfiction Series. Whaaaaaayt!? And... Wowza!!!!!!
There's a great vibe in the office today. Everybody's smiling. The Magical Elves are having a party in their office today. I know that Picture This Productions must be chillaxin' by some pool eating bon bons with Kathy Griffin. Hopefully Jim Lipton is sipping fine whiskey somewhere. We had great emails this morning from Michael Kor's [sic] office and Padma and Gail and on and on. It is nice to have something to cheer about.

Full Release Massages for everybody!

Bravo's reality TV awards show bounty means only one thing—that NYC-based Andy is headed back to our Coast for the ceremony. And wherever Andy goes, so do his portable massage table and toolbox crammed full of perfumed oils, lotions, and water-based lubricants, a vivid reminder that the world's most accessible basic cable exec is fully available to offer Academy members and gym-tautened cater waiters his appreciative reacharound services.