We've consulted our poll standings—thank you for voting!—and as of this writing, the top two vote-getters for the highly coveted title of America's Most Annoying Liberal Arts College are... Sarah Lawrence and Wesleyan! And it's very close; last time we checked, Sarah Lawrence had 599 votes, or 15.5 percent of the total, while Wesleyan had 536 votes, or 13.9 percent of the total. So we decided to have a SLC vs. Wes DEATH MATCH. Sadly, neither Oberlin nor Bard, two of our personal favorites, will be in the running; neither will surprise high-vote-getter Swarthmore, which overcame its write-in-candidate status to finish in a strong third place. (Congrats, Swarthmore: You're really annoying!) To help you determine once and for all which is the most annoying liberal arts college in America, we've marshalled some more of our favorite comments about each school. This will be the final poll! Cast your vote carefully!
"I hadn't even been at Sarah Lawrence for a month before I was called into the dean's office to discuss my cameo appearance in some freak's vision. Yes, vision. The girl claimed to have envisioned her own murder after eating a leaf that had been previously "nibbled on" by a fairy. Not only did she take this story to the dean, but the dean was concerned enough to pull me out of class to discuss this. SLC sweep, people."
"go gryphons! this might be the only competition they'll ever win."
"Definitely SLC. Never before have I met a group of people who were farther up their own asses. I think everyone who graduates from Sarah Lawrence should be awarded an honorary doctorate of pharmacology."
"Wealthy families typically have a child who is sent to an elite private school, receives a good education, and by dint of his/her natural intelligence, work ethic instilled by his parents, good grades, benefits that come with wealth, and the university preferences for legacies, goes to Harvard or Yale. That child also has a younger sibling who, with the same education and benefits, spends most of his/her time drinking, doesn't really like learning, and is known for having access to good drugs. That child goes to Sarah Lawrence, and that's why it's my pick."
"When I filled out my housing forms to enter Wesleyan I had the option of writing in my personal gender expression and whether or not I minded rooming with a person who expressed themselves differently than me... this was also literally the only question I was asked as far as any roommate survey went."
"Remember when you vote: Wesleyan's hottest campus topic is whether or not to allow students to write on the sidewalks with chalk."
"I have an ex who went to Wesleyan and said that virtually all to whom he relayed this asked, "You mean the women's school?" To which he responded, "Wellesley was my first choice." I found this anecdote charming. But I'm not sure in which direction it swings the Wesleyan pendulum."
"The Swarthmore and Vassar descriptions sound JUST LIKE Wesleyan, except instead of heirs to fortunes it's children of utterly random celebrities (Richard Dreyfuss!) or former child stars (Little Man Tate!)"
"Please vote for Wesleyan. Here is why: I recently ran into a Wesleyan undergrad I went to high school with. When I inquired as to his summer plans, he said he had gotten a research grant to study homelessness in New York. This "study" included a two-week stint as - i'm not shitting you - an actual homeless person. The rich hipstard actually lived on the street for two weeks and "hung out" with homeless people, and WESLEYAN PAID HIM TO DO IT."
All right then! To the poll!