From the Post, this heartbreaking story of degradation and sexual harassment: James Bonomo, who sold paper for Mitsubishi International, slapped his former employer with a lawsuit after a night of karaoke gone awry. What happened? Seems that during a trip to Tokyo, Bonomo, his boss, "Tetsuya Furuichi, and a China-based Mitsubishi exec had dinner with a potential customer." As is often the case, penis portraiture ensued.
Later that same night, Furuichi allegedly pressured Bonomo into visiting a bathhouse for what he said would be "a non-sexual massage" with the clients. En route, Bonomo's boss regaled him with an analysis of his admiration for the purported genital size of Italian-Americans, he said. Despite Bonomo's discomfort, Furuichi continued on in that vein, allegedly saying, "Italian men have penises 'down to here,' gesturing to his knees." The suit noted that Bonomo is both Italian-American and gay. At the bathhouse, a colleague from Mitsubishi's Beijing office, Yue Zhibo, took a picture of Bonomo's penis on his cellphone and then "refused to delete the picture" when Bonomo demanded he do so, the suit states. After the incident, Bonomo's boss, Furuichi, compared Bonomo's penis to an "Italian sausage," the plaintiff said.
Horrible, right? We asked My Cock, our expert on Labor/Genital Relations, what he thought.
BALK BTW: So, Cock, whaddya think? You're Italian, right?
COCK BTW: Half, Balk. The good half. The half those monsters didn't ROB ME OF.
BALK BTW: So THAT's why you still hate the Jews? The circumcision?
COCK BTW: It was terrible! It was like that scene in Pope of Greenwich Village where Eric Roberts gets his thumb cut off, but a thousand times worse! I was just eight days old for God's sake! Animals!
BALK BTW: Anyway, the Bonomo case.
COCK BTW: Oh, yeah, right. Dude's got nothing. I march in the fucking Columbus Day parade every year carrying a big banner that reads "Italian Sausage." It's TATTOOED on me in green, red, and white! This is a problem how exactly?
BALK BTW: I think he's implying that he was being mocked because he was gay, not because he had a gigantic cock.
COCK BTW: Whatever. Ask any of us, be we Italian, Irish, Polish, or Jew: Someone calls you a sausage, you take it. You wanna call me a "dry sausage"? Works for me! "Hot sausage"? I'm down. "Big kosher sausage"? Bring it on! "Spicy sopressata"? Good enough! Just don't call me cacciatorini! Also, "non-sexual massage"? What head was this guy's brain in, you know what I mean?
BALK BTW: Okay, we get it. You were probably the wrong guy to ask about this.
COCK BTW: Either way. Do I get to do my rap?
BALK BTW: What, the "Staight Outta Cockton" thing? I don't see it happening.
COCK BTW: C'MON! "When I'm called off/I get My Balls off/Squeeze the trigger/And spermies get hauled off" is COMEDY GOLD. Also, scansion rivaling Keats.
BALK BTW: Uh, maybe check back Thursday. You've been no help. Dick.
COCK BTW: The pleasure was mine. As ususal.