Since the first caveman made the first wall-painting of greasy-haired loners trying to prove how different they were from other Neanderthals by getting together at ridiculous cave parties and wearing the same retarded outfits, man has found comfort in poking fun of hipster party pictures. Our modern cave paintings come in the form of photos from Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and Misshapes. Alex Blagg is our 21st century equivalent of those early mocking cavemen. Join us on the quest for fire—better known as Blue States Lose!
7. The Cobrasnake. Fancy Feast 45 photo #2048: It would seem that I'm the Miss Cleo of predicting the future of hipster fad cliche, because a few weeks back I suggested that, in the wake of the "big wacky glasses" trend, the next thing they'd come up with is silly fake moustaches to complete their "idiot" disguise. And here we are. I've really been doing this too long.
6. Misshapes. July 21st, 2007 photo #037: "Now show us 'self-absorbed hipster predictibility', please? That's perfect. Okay, class - in this sketch I really want you to focus on capturing the model's obvious lack of a single interesting thought, his deep-seated fear of being ignored, and his determination to conform to generic Misshape femininity."
5. Last Night's Party. Crewlicious photo #7472: Why bother with cheesy pick-up lines when you've discovered a gesture that says to the ladies "Hi, I'm Tony. I'm unemployed and addicted to a variety of substances, but I WILL RAGE ALL OVER YOUR VAGINA WITH MY FACE!"
2. The Cobrasnake. Fancy Feast 45 photo #2327: This is just about the worst kind of fashion mistake you can make. It's hideous, but not quite ridiculous-looking enough to qualify as "ironic", which results in her just looking like a high school art teacher with poor taste who was on her way to a weekend spiritual retreat in Palm Springs, but ended up here instead, and has utterly no clue how it happened.
1. Misshapes. July 21st, 2007 photo #027: It's like somebody mixed up sperm from Doc Holliday and all of Motley Crue, then artificially impregnated some waitress in Williamsburg that ended up giving birth to this guy, who came out of the womb looking exactly like this, and is inexplicably Puerto Rican.