The Coming Generation Of Terrible Writers Explained Already

This week's New York Times Modern Love column is by Thomas Anthony Donahoe, who donated to a Boston-area sperm bank "30 to 40 times over a couple of years." Now, surprise, he's got kids appearing left and right. It's full of circuitous locutions and meaningless extraneous details like "A young waitress with a soft-spoken accent (Portuguese, I think) briskly delivered us cups of coffee." He also talks about how he doesn't want his college-age sperm-donee kid to know that he made a living, basically, from donating sperm. Guess what? Now he does, because you wrote about it in the New York Times! "The nurse at the donation center said my recipients showed positive inseminations," Thomas discloses toward the end of the article. Awesome! If indeed Thomas "made" this first kid "what he is"—and we're sure that bit of biological b.s. got the kid's lesbian moms all riled—then we're gonna pass on the kid's inevitable, terrible memoir.

I Made Him What He Is, But What Is He? [NYT]