Say Hello To My Little Fug

As is his wont, Defamer associate editor Seth gave me very little notice of the vacation he was embarking on beginning today, casually calling me up last night with the flimsy excuse that he'd accepted a week-long gig punching up the script for Feed The Bears II: The Bears Are Still Hungry!, a sequel to the ursine-glutton fetish classic rushed into production following the original film's unexpected exposure on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Whatever he's actually doing for the next seven days, I trust he will return refreshed next Monday, with plenty of amusing, completely fabricated stories about how the talent kept botching his favorite scene, in which two of his burly stars gnaw on opposite ends of a succulent watermelon.

In the meantime. we've once again convinced Heather Cocks, 50 percent of the Go Fug Yourself fashion-decimating juggernaut, to fill in. Be nice to her and by the end of the week she may show us all the "Ryan Seacrest is a pussy" tattoo she got on a dare after doing too many tequila shots during E!'s Golden Globes red carpet coverage.

—Ed.