Orchard Street Destroyed!

Last night on the Lower East Side, nearing the intersection of Stanton and Orchard, the smell of burning brakes hung in the air. On Orchard, in front of the shuttered Slipper Room, two cars lay crushed under tons of rubble. A husk of another vehicle flamed nearby. Immediately the recent events of 7/18 came to mind. I started to run.

A woman in black blocked my way. Her headset clung to her hair like a baby chimp on its mother's back.

"You can't go in here," she said.

"But, but," I panted, "I'm escaping the not-terrorist attacks!"

"It's a set, you idiot," she replied, her voice taking on a maternal scorn.

"Oh," I answered, relieved.

"I don't know, I think the movie is called 'Cheese.'"

So we figure it's just JJ Abrams, destroying New York for his new movie. Also the Lower East Side smells like 9/11 now! Great, thanks for that.

Previously: JJ Abrams Is Next To Blow Up New York