Geraldo Rivera Protects And Serves

The date: July 25th at 6:35pm

The place: 89th & 5th

Sighted: Waiting for a friend I happen to see a big ol' Bentley pull up to the stop light with an NYPD license plate. I think to myself "what the f**k, I need to become a police officer?" As the car pulls away from the light I see a very stressed out looking Geraldo Rivera behind the wheel. Couldn't help but notice his overgrown 'stache.

Of all the various, arguably-justified reasons tossed about as to why the terrorists want to kill us and the rest of the world despises us, Geraldo Rivera is one of the most often overlooked. That's odd, considering no one quite personifies that grand American tradition of dramatically overreacting first and sorting out the details later as the man born Gerald Michael Riviera. But, say what you will about him, he is indeed multifaceted. And like a half-Jewish, half-Puerto Rican onion, his layers continue to unfold. So, is it possible, based on the above sighting of him giving his best Sipowicz in a car with NYPD plates, that one of those layers may soon be allowed to arrest people?

The man has already conquered the worlds of law, and, as all Baywatch fans will remember with joy, acting. He is a journalistic legend and an accomplished author who has written both his autobiography and an online ode to sailing, titled, poetically, The Sailing Book. Perhaps now that he has settled comfortably into his fifth marriage with a woman half his age and his syndicated show has been reduced to only weekend spots, he has decided to put his money where his mustache is and become one of New York's finest.

Of course, there is a second possible explanation here. That would involve Geraldo going undercover in the NYPD to bring his world-renowned investigatory skills and unique perspective to some dirty, internal corruption story or something of the like. And yes, perhaps driving around in a car clearly marked NYPD may not be what you or I would do when we were working undercover. But, as we learned from his Iraq coverage, Geraldo has some trouble with words like "embedded" and "undercover". They are details, or, as they call them at Fox News, the stuff CNN worries about.