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By now, we thought that former Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington serial silence- breakings about the turbulent events of his recent career would be yielding diminishing returns, with nothing he could offer at this point possibly topping the virtuoso gay-conspiracy theories and McDreamy character assassinations to which we've been treated since his firing. But we were wrong. So very, very wrong. In an interview with meant to clarify the timeline of his controversial addition to the cast of Bionic Woman, Washington recounts the amazing speed with which newly installed NBC rock star Ben Silverman moved to adopt him into his network family once he discovered that the actor had been disowned by ABC. We pick up the narrative at the Chateau Marmont, where Ozwald "House of" Boateng, upon hearing that his buddy Isaiah needed a new job, set into motion the following series of completely fucking insane events:

''Look, I have a friend of mine here, we're finishing our meeting, and I think he's someone you want to meet.'' And Ben says, ''Who?'' And he says, ''Isaiah Washington.'' And he says, ''My God! Yes, I definitely want to meet him.'' So we get to Mr. Chow's, where Ben was having a celebratory get-together about his new position as cochairman of NBC. I was brought to his table immediately, and he didn't know yet — I don't think he'd received it on his BlackBerry yet — but I think word got around the room that night and he finally figured out that I had been let go five hours earlier

And he brought out this cake, with a picture of himself as the peacock, and behind his head were the feathers of NBC. And below the cake were some talons, and under the talons was the symbol of ABC and the other networks. And he looks at me and says, ''You're those talons. Blow out the cake.'' And I looked at him and I said, ''You've gotta be kidding me. I just got here, I just met you, you're being very kind, but this is your party.'' And he says, ''No. No. You're coming to NBC. Blow out the cake.'' And of course, all the executives, the people from [Silverman's production company] Reveille, are all standing there looking at me, like, Hey, cochairman just said blow out the cake. You need to blow out the cake. So I go, ''Okay, I'll blow out the candles on your cake.'' And again, I just said, you know, This is a good night, Ozawald Boateng is taking care of me, being a great friend right now. It all feels great. But still, tomorrow, the sun has to come up, and I don't know what to expect. When the sun came up, there was a call from Ben Silverman to my agent, saying, ''We're very interested in talking to Isaiah about whatever it is he wants to do here at NBC. And we're very interested in having him meet with the creative team to be a part of Bionic Woman.''

Right now, we desperately want to conjure up a surreal scenario in which Silverman summoned with a clap of his hands a beautifully plumed exotic bird that then eviscerated a bound and gagged T.R. Knight with its razor-sharp claws as a display of loyalty to the newest member of the NBC family, but you know what? The cake and the talons and the sycophantic court of the Peacock King hardly need any help. We're so overcome by how much we love this town that we'll probably just wander over to Hollywood Blvd. and dry-hump the first Walk of Fame star we see just to break the tension.