We've often heard it said that Alex Blagg is the modern day Clement Greenberg, a sharp, incisive critic who turns his assessments of the party photos of from Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and the rest of them into a larger statement on society as it is currently formulated and what it means for us all. Okay, we haven't heard it said that often, but maybe if we start that buzz up people will buy into it. Either way, it's Blue States Lose!
10.Last Night's Party. GGL Ads photo #001: Apparently Last Night Leibovitz is now selling advertorial spreads, so be sure not to miss the "George, Gina & Lucy" photos, in which some terrible new fashion line unwisely (then again, I'm linking to it, so maybe not) spent their start-up capital attempting to recreate a few photographs of hipsters looking like idiots. So if you've ever wanted to see girls who've been paid to PRETEND they're humiliating themselves by rolling around in their own puke on bathroom floors, as opposed to doing it just for fun, today's your lucky day.
9.The Cobrasnake. Shoot To Kill photo #7450: I don't know why you're bothering with the Sexy Serious Face pose, Captain Coolguy - if you hadn't noticed, you're wearing a ridiculous neon green t-shirt with tigers all over it.
8. Last Night's Party. House of Bronques photo #896: I know that baby is fake, but she should still be arrested and have her fallopian tubes destroyed before she finally does some REAL psychological damage and ruins an innocent child.
7. The Cobrasnake. Shoot To Kill photo #7048: Do you ever look at someone and just KNOW they have a sexually-transmitted disease? I mean, who the hell actually sleeps with clowns like this guy? Really, do tell.
6. The Cobrasnake. Sticky Finger photo #7733: Once we've finally annihilated ourselves, and American civilization has completely crumbled into a wasteland of post-Apocalyptic ruin, scientists from the future will find this picture in the rubble, and use it as a comprehensive explanation of our downfall.
5. The Cobrasnake. Shoot To Kill photo #6968: Fuck all that bombs and biological weapons jazz. If Al Qaeda really wanted to get their shit together, they'd recruit this asshole and get him to teach them his highly effective Brain Terrorism tactics, then unleash an entire army of fuckwads who look just like him, which would reduce all of American to a quivering mass of fear and disdain.
4. The Cobrasnake. Sticky Finger photo #4640: Oh my god, you've covered yourselves in obnoxiosly shiny neon colors, mismatched clothing and necklaces with naughty words. And you're smoking cigarettes! You girls just scream "Interesting people!"
3. Last Night's Party. House of Bronques photo #876: You're getting warmer, generic hipster douche. Come on, do it - it'll be SOOO emo.
2. Last Night's Party. House of Bronques photo #900: Have you ever wondered what the Olsen Twins would look like if they were some Bedford Avenue hipster dude with a penchant for flamoyant vests and poor grooming habits? Well now you know.
1. Last Night's Party. House of Bronques photo #891: Is there some kind of gay monastery that I don't know about? Do they brew Trappist Tranny beer, dress themselves up all fabulous, and bring it to downtown hipster parties sometimes? As far fetched as that might seem, there's simply no other logical explanation for the existence of this guy.
Previously: Vagina Face Rage